The Art of Distraction.

This topic is a real struggle for me. I already have a billion things whizzing around my head at any one time, and this situation is very much at the fore front, so why do I feel so bad when I catch myself not thinking about it? It’s a tough pill to swallow but this has changed my life, and will change my life for the foreseeable so it’s something that I need to learn to live with and adapt to what will change in the future.

For the first month it was everything I thought about - I couldn’t think about anything else. From the moment I woke up, to when I attempted to sleep, it was there. The who, the why, the what. I had a million questions and very little answers and that would just go round my brain all the time whether I wanted to think about it or not. I couldn’t distract myself and that was a huge detriment to both my mental and physical health and it was only until I started Safer Lives and StopSO did I realise that you need to distract yourself - and that’s totally okay! In fact, you very much need to take yourself away from the situation from time to time and be able to look from above with an open mind and that’s the only way I believe you can begin to put steps in to place to learn and rebuild. You’re not going to move forward if all you’re doing is thinking about what’s happened in the past. You can’t change it, you can only improve. Even now I still think “Is it bad that I’m not constantly working on this or actively doing bits like reading or therapy?” The answer is no, and that’s taken me a long time to come to terms with. I often thought that I was failing myself and the people who are supporting me by not always thinking about it, but it’s simply not the case. You need to think, “What good will it do if I’m thinking about this 24/7?” The answers that will come out are 99% negative. It’s tough to say but you do need to continue with life, albeit in a different kind of way. Getting back into work, going out exercising and doing the shopping have worked wonders for me, and it’s such a night and day difference from when this all started and a lot of that is all down to distraction.

So what do I do to distract myself? (Well quick edit on this, it’s taken 2 weeks to complete this blog post!) Something must be slightly working though. We have a puppy now so that’s very time consuming with the training and not letting her chew the house apart, but it’s very rewarding of course. It’s given me so much to think about and get stuck into that the whole situation has been a bit of a backseat thought. Is this a good thing? I’m not so sure, but it’s stopping me thinking about it 24/7 so that must be a positive. As long as I can find a balance then I think it’s the right way to go. I’ve also changed my job, and that has given a new pep in my step and got me motivated to keep going, keep moving forward and keep striving to do better. I’m still trying to exercise, granted not as much as I should be, but it will get there with walking the pup. That’s what’s keeping me distracted, and it’s working.

So how can I keep moving forward? I’ve just got to stay motivated and in control of my decisions. I find it really hard to keep on track with a lot of things so it’s certainly not the easiest part of this process but it’s a necessity. I need to keep moving, keep wanting to do better and keep learning. I know that if any of those start slipping then I’m in for a rough ride. Yes I know that there will be some really tricky and dark days ahead, but that’s in the future on a yet to be determined date so I shouldn’t worry about that now. It’s out of my hands, so there’s no point in worrying. I can only worry about what I can control, and that is the driving force behind what’s keeping me going.